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Life in New
York:
Signs of the Times:
“Welcome to Brooklyn - Believe The Hype!" on Brooklyn-Queens Expressway entering
Brooklyn. "IF YOU CAN READ THIS - THE BITCH FELL OFF!" on the back of a t-shirt
worn by a burly motorcyclist roaring down Broadway (Yeah, I know, but ya gotta
admit...). "I'll Procrastinate Later" - slogan on t-shirt of an Upper Westsider.
"A Well-Timed Wedding” in Chinatown. “Cappuccinos and
Tattoos” on St. Mark’s Place. “Fried Electric Co.” on West 77tth Street.
Infiniti is Here, Now:
So I was walking out of my building a while back and a guy
approached me.
Turned out he was an agent for the Infinity car ad campaign and wanted to use my
windows for a print ad. $ure enough, we worked it all out and there it was, a
moody ad featuring my living room window with a (very thin and tall) model
looking out longingly at the weird, pumpkin-colored car parked on the street
below. The text describes her peeking out from behind (my!) curtains. It
appeared as a giant centerfold in USA Today, a billboard on the Cross Bronx
Expressway, and in The New Yorker. .. During the shoot, I was advised to put
away the breakables because, as the photographer stated it, the model tended to
"fall off her legs."
Favorite Neighborhood Cultural Juxtaposition:
Without a doubt, the standup comedy club next door to the mikvah (ritual
bath used by Orthodox Jewish women). (There's a joke in there somewhere......)
Current Hobby:
Working out at
the Reebok Health Club. Reading about the Music of the Spheres (numerology, the
kabala, and you name it).
Most Reassuring Admonition?: Until
recently, the local laundromat had a hand-lettered sign advising that there
was "No Dying in Wash and Dry."
Here Kitty, Kitty: The Féline
Day Spa opened a few years ago, just across the street from the laundromat.
After about a week or so, a sign appeared in the window: "No Pets Allowed." It
seems that a lot of folks were bringing Fluffy in for a manicure and pedicure,
and maybe to do something about that hairball.
The New York State of Mind:
A couple of years ago, someone in my neighborhood committed suicide by jumping off a four-story
building onto the sidewalk below. (For those of you who are wondering, the
result apparently is effective and definitely quite gruesome.) Even in death,
however, this person managed to convey a morbid sense of humor, for he (she?)
chose to jump on February 29th - Leap Day. Perhaps he (she?) should have opted
to do some laundry instead.
Strangest Home Furnishing: A
toss-up between the elephant tusk, horsetail, and “nerve glue” (please refer to
“Stewart Pollens” link in biography). Or, perhaps, the jar of "1704 Stradivarius
varnish" in the bathroom cabinet? Or the latest addition, the horse skull?
(Purchased to determine whether or not one can really make a true lira da
braccia in the shape of a horse's skull, as da Vinci is said to have done.)
Current Favorite Recording: “The
Bones of All Men” by Mr. Philip Pickett, with Mr. Richard Thompson and The
Fairport Rhythm Section. This group plays mid-16th century music on mixes of
instruments that include recorders, shawms, crumhorns, medieval fiddle,
virginals, lead guitar, rhythm guitar, electric bass and drums. It's awesome!
Current Favorite Recording, first runnerup:
“Between Two Hearts: Renaissance Dances for Lute” (Ronn McFarlane, Lute)
Recent Celebrity Sightings:
The
Belz! Al Franken, having a presumably fair and balanced meal with his family at
a sidewalk cafe on Broadway. Liam Neeson walking down Broadway.
Most Illustrious Former Neighbor:
Richard Belzer (formerly a comedian, now an actor), who lived in the
apartment above mine. At the time, his comedy act included an impression of
Mick Jagger as a rooster on cocaine. As part of the mania, Belzer would leap up
onto a spinet piano. He practiced this at home - I would hear the occasional
THUNCK!!!!! above my head in the bedroom. One day my bedroom ceiling fell down.
Most Illustrious Former
 Neighbor, Now Deceased:
Miles Davis owned a townhouse around the corner from me in the early
eighties. I'd often hear him and his band rehearsing as I walked by, and
sometimes they hung out in front of the building during their breaks. When he
married Cicely Tyson, she made him move out, because evidently it had been the
scene of much debauchery.....
The Letter, Versus the Spirit, of the Law:
A prestigious preparatory school for boys, just down the street from my
home, has a dress code that requires the students to wear a coat and tie during
the school day. Usually the coat is unbuttoned and the tie is loosely draped
around the neck. A couple of years ago, however, one boy became rather notorious
because he was (already) a cross-dresser and wore a dress under his coat and
tie. (Or maybe he was just being literal about the term "dress code"?) We are
now somewhat uncertain about his prospects for college and that prime table at
Jean-Georges.
Favorite Gustatory Juxtaposition:
“The Mill” restaurant, which has a completely Korean menu
otherwise, features egg creams as a beverage. The egg cream, of course, has
neither egg nor cream in it, and is an old-style fountain drink of seltzer and a
syrup, often chocolate. Additionally, a popular restaurant in my neighborhood is
run by Chinese immigrants from Cuba and features Cuban-Chinese food. Another was
a Russian take-out restaurant on Amsterdam Avenue that advertises the "Best
Fried Chicken in New York City."
Favorite New York Restaurant Name:
“Big Wong” in Chinatown. For those of you who don't believe me and want to
see for yourselves, it's at 67 Mott Street.
While We're At It:
My newspaper
delivery man is named Lucky Wong. I kid you not.
Favorite New York Restaurant Name, First Runner-up:
“Eat Here Now” (and I did!)
Most Atypical Social Experience?:
Having lunch with a friend, who was then undergoing gender re-assignment,
in a restaurant that she chose called “Sesso,” which is Italian for “sex” or
“gender.”
Local "Seinfeld" settings:
The “coffee shop” is at Broadway and 112th Street, directly across from
“The Mill” restaurant (see above). The Kenny Rodgers chicken incident was based
on a real incident at B'way near 72nd Street. The fast-food shop had just opened
when a lawyer working in his office above stuck a hand-lettered sign reading
“BAD FOOD” in his window, directly overhead, as a protest, even though (let the
record show) he had not, in fact, eaten there ...The “Soup Nazi” still does a
roaring business on West 55th Street, just around the corner from Violin Shop
Central (a building housing most of New York's important luthiers, as well as
bow makers) on West 54th Street.
Where Not to Bring Your Delicate, Macrobiotic, Teetotalling
Friends for Dinner:
The Slaughtered Lamb Pub on West 4th Street.
Most Unusual Tic-Tac-Toe Opponent:
Until fairly recently, one could play tic-tac-toe against a chicken in a
Chinatown arcade - I know, because I did it several times and never got better
than a draw against “Birdbrain.” Animal rights activists forced the arcade owner
to retire Birdbrain to a farm, where she died a natural death (which is a rare
event for a Chinatown bird!)
Best Local Joint:
No, you filthy
mind, not that kind. Big Nick's on Broadway (aka Burger Joint) has been around
forever, has a great menu, is cheap, and altogether is a fine experience. Just
don't use the bathroom there and, while you're at it, avoid looking at the floor
too closely.
Recent Gustatory Highlights:
Eating
kimchee and bibimbop (yes, it's a jazzy-sounding name) on West 32nd Street in
Koreatown. Caipirinhas in the late, lamented Cabana Carioca. In Mexico, the posole in the Coyoacan
food market. (Yes, yours truly has an ironclad constitution. The greatest test
was eating tacos in the Guadalajara street market, with no running water in
sight. No problemo.)
Life on Tour: Best New Friend:
Gunnar Hansen, the original Leatherface in the cult favorite "Texas Chainsaw
Massacre", who attends my concerts on Mt. Desert Island, Maine.
Best Way to Spend a Day Off (in Louisville):
Definitely go to the race track and bet on some horses. Favorite Review Headline:
The San
Francisco Chronicle once reviewed a recital that I played, with the headline of
"A WELL-MATCHED PAIR ON STAGE."
Favorite Interview Headline: I once
was featured on page three of a London tabloid (where they normally place the
topless "birds"), and the photograph and story - about how I acquired my
mother's violin - were accompanied by the headline "HEIR ON HER MOTHER'S
G-STRING."
Lamest Review:
A recent
review of an evening concert stated that I had begun to play the violin at 2
p.m. (Such amazing talent! Can play Carmen Fantasy after six hours of
instruction!)
Most Dangerous Place to Play:
This would have to be Manila, for the last time I played a recital there
even the banks had signs requesting that their clients check their weapons with
the armed guard by the front door. You can bet I had to be extra careful walking
around armed with a violin case.....
Most Ironic Typographical Error:
A few years ago, I played in a lovely church in a small city in Arkansas.
Upon leaving the church by its front door, I admired the display of the Ten
Commandments, etched into giant tablets, that surround it to create an
impressive portal. It was then that I spotted the fatal error, for there, etched
in stone, it reads: “THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTRY.” (Which leads me to wonder
about the folks who get by with things due to a technicality, and if this is not
a “chiselo,” rather than a “typo.”)
Greatest Psychological Challenge:
Eating the second helping of stewed duck feet served to me at a banquet in
Beijing. I had eaten the first serving without knowing what it was, only to hear
conductor Kenneth Schermerhorn identify it just as I was being served some more.
I looked down at my plate and, sure enough, there they were: duck feet.
Why We All Need to Read Our Contracts:
During the 2001-2002 season, I was scheduled to play the Zwilich Concerto
with a midwestern orchestra. During the first rehearsal the conductor mentioned
the need to rehearse “the Vivaldi.” My somewhat quizzical look at him led him to
inform me that he was referring to the “Winter” concerto that I was playing in
addition to the Zwilich. I said that this was news to me, but that I could do it
as I had recently played the entire Seasons cycle. Looking into it further, I
learned that there was absolutely no evidence that they had ever informed me or
my management about this addition to the concert, as there was no mention of
Vivaldi on the contract or in any communications whatsoever.
Best Fan:
The woman in a Mexico City
orchestra who named her daughter after me.
Worst Fan:
The guy who called me in
my hotel room in Texas to politely inquire if he could tie me up and tickle my
feet with a feather.
Longest Concerto Performance:
A concert in Manila during which I performed the Beethoven and Tchaikovsky
Concerti.
Strangest Gig:
In principal,
I play only concerts as a soloist or chamber musician; for instance, I have
never played professionally in an orchestra and do not do freelance work (or
“gigs,” as they're called). But the occasional adventure beckons, and when I was
younger - and perhaps more foolish - I played in a string quartet for the world
premiere of a work written for Ritchie Havens (of Woodstock fame) and his band.
He was way cool.
Shortest Concert Performance:
One at the Marlboro Festival, at which I performed the Quartet Pieces of
Webern. They take all of about 3 minutes to play - and about ten hours to
rehearse!
Smartest Audience:
Los Alamos,
NM.
Smartest Audience, first runner-up:
Cambridge, MA.
Best
Concert Hall:
Boston's Symphony Hall and Vienna's Musikvereinsaal.
Worst Concert Hall:
One in Sao
Paolo, Brazil, which is extremely wide and features carpeted walls that make it
a black hole for sound. Because these walls have a woven “art mural” on them,
they cannot be altered. The sound comes out of the violin, travels about three
inches, and is sucked under an extreme gravitational pull away into oblivion.
Strangest Cultural Juxtaposition:
At a concert to benefit the Shreveport Symphony in a recent season, I was
startled to realize that a gigantic fish fry (which is an oxymoron, if you think
about it) was
being held concurrently within the same building - to benefit the National
Rifle Association. The concert happened to include Tchaikovsky's 1812 overture,
the cannon fire for which was not supplied by the NRA. The backstage area reeked
of the fish being fried by the loading dock....
Worst Conductor: The one who attempted to
accompany me in Barton's First Violin Concerto. He was 1) conducting it for the
first time, 2) did not know the piece and 3) used a miniature score, which had
notes so small he could not read them, causing him to have to 4) turn the page
every few measures. He marked all the meter changes with big red numbers, which
was all he could decipher during the performance, and changed meters almost
irregardless of where the orchestra or I were in the score. Needless to say, I
did my own share of conducting the performance.
Worst Conductor, first runner-up: The one who
came in ten seconds too early, before I had even come close to finishing the
opening solo violin statement of the Tchaikovsky Concerto.
Most Bizarre Conductor: This fellow (see
“Worst Conductor,” above) apparently once left the stage during a rehearsal with
his orchestra, excusing himself to use the bathroom. When he did not return
after a long period of time, worried orchestra personnel knocked on the locked
bathroom door. With no response and fearing the worst, they got the key and
opened the bathroom door, only to find the room empty with the window open. The
conductor had left the building via the bathroom window and had gone home.
Most Bizarre Conductor, first runner-up: One
infamous fellow, with whom I have not yet worked although I have performed with
his orchestra, is credited with having had one of his clarinetists thrown in
jail because the poor man had the audacity to request a leave from the orchestra
so he might take an audition abroad in his native country of the United States.
This lovely man also carries a gun, and is alleged to have doped the companion
of one his soloists so he could have a “romantic encounter” with her...
Worst Colleague: eibpksrginpa (Sure, it's in
code, but it's easy to break if you use the right key!)
Best Place to Practice: A stone farmhouse near
Allerona in Umbria, Italy.
Worst Places to Practice: The practice rooms at
Juilliard.
Unusual Presentations Onstage During Bows: Following a Halloween Eve performance of Mendelssohn's Violin Concerto with the
Handel & Haydn Society Orchestra in Boston's Symphony Hall, conductor
Christopher Hogwood presented me with a small pumpkin. (I took it home and it
became the basis for a fine risotto.) More recently, following a performance of
Beethoven's Violin Concerto with the Duluth Symphony, the conductor presented me
with an excellent Cuban cigar. (By the way, flowers are also welcome!)
Most Beautiful-Sounding Violin Encountered: The
“Vieuxtemps” Guarneri del Gesù.
Strangest Comment Overhead on Tour: “...and
that's when the Holy Ghost went shoppin' with me!” (Overheard in dining room of
Holiday Inn in Texas.)
Strangest Comment, first runner-up: “...and
Mike shot him, went into his house, came out and shot him again! Hah Hah!”
(Overheard while crossing parking lot to a fast food restaurant in Sun City,
AZ.)
Greatest Amount of Flora and Fauna in a Concert Hall:
A tie between a “concert hall” on the island of
Mindanao in the Philippines and the hall in Guangzhou, China. Their wildlife
included bats...
Most Romantic Concert Setting: The terrace of a
maharajah's palace in India, on which I played Bach's Chaconne while overlooking
the canyon behind the palace. Incidentally, the maharajah was young and very
attractive. I tried to keep this in mind while playing in order to take my mind
off the fact that I was getting bitten by malaria-carrying mosquitoes.
Most Important Preparation For a Tour: The
anti-malarial treatment I took before this trip.
Most Decadent Behavior On Tour: Among the
behavior that may be mentioned here was the time that I was dining in the
Pierrot restaurant of Hong Kong's fabulous Mandarin Hotel (on someone else's
tab) and ordered lobster that had been flown in from Boston. (Incidentally, I
happened to be living in Boston at that time.)
Strangest Career Suggestion: The Filipino
conductor Redentor Romero offered to arrange for my kidnapping while I was on
the island of Mindanao, in order to get some press attention.
Best Post Concert Reception: Near San
Francisco. Following Glazunov and Tzigane. I have to leave it at that.
Most Violins Used in Concert: Three. I was in
the midst of Bernstein's Serenade when I broke a string. I switched to the
concertmaster's violin, which also broke a string, so I took yet anoth...no,
wait, this happened to someone else.
Most Last-Minute Arrival at Concert Hall: For a
seven p.m. concert in Tokyo, I arrived at 6:55 p.m. due to the cancellation of a
flight en route from Hong Kong. The taxi from Narita airport cost about $135 at
the time.
Most Bizarre Arrival at Concert Hall: For a
concert in Georgia, I was picked up by a socialite in her Jaguar for the
three-block ride to the concert hall. This woman was quite late in picking me up
and was so distracted that she sped, ran a couple of stop signs, and made an
illegal U-turn directly in front of a police station. As she let me out of the
car at the stage door, the cops were right behind her with a look of disbelief
on their faces. I thought for a second about leaving her at their mercy but
decided to tell them that I was the soloist for the concert and was running
late, and that it really wasn't her fault. They took the bait and let her
off...... Following the concert was a reception at which champagne was served.
This same woman was assigned to drive me back to my hotel, which she did while
carrying a glass of champagne and in the company of her extremely youthful male
“companion.” (Did I mention that she was married and the mother of two rather
young children?) She then invited me for a drink in the hotel bar and proceeded
to walk into the bar with her half-full glass, which she finished while we
waited for our drink order to arrive. We had the drink that she recommended:
“Slippery Nipples.”
Most Bizarre Arrival at Concert Hall, first runner-up:
While on tour with the Hanover Band in the U.S., I
made the mistake of accepting a ride, along with my co-soloist in Mozart's
Sinfonia Concertante, with a violist in the group who, as it turned out, is a
manic-depressive and was then in a manic phase. He had rented a car but, being
English, was used to driving on the wrong side of the road. Being manic, he did
not have directions to the hall and got lost a few times, sped, and made lots of
illegal turns, in addition to driving mostly on the wrong side of the road. By
the time we got to the hall, I was quite rattled and unfortunately never really
settled down for the concert. The tour finished with a concert in London, which
is notable in part because this same violist disrupted the flight overseas to
such an extent that he was met by police officers upon our arrival and arrested
for interfering with the operation of the flight.
Best Malapropism Heard on Tour: While visiting
the Monterey Bay Aquarium, I listened in on a guided tour being given to a group
of about thirty persons. After describing the great sealife tank that is the
highlight of the indoor display, the guide asked if we had any questions. I
asked him how the vegetation had arrived into the tank, since he had informed us
that it had not been placed there. His answer: “Microscopic orgasms come in
through the pipeline out to the bay.” What really floored me was that nobody
else noticed this comment, even though it was addressed to the group.
Best Malapropism Heard on Tour, first runnerup:
The fellow who asked if I knew “the Kevorkian
sisters.” (Yes, and their duo-concerts are to die for!)
Most Encores: Five following a performance of
the Sibelius Concerto in Singapore.
Most Overrated Violin:
The “Messiah
Stradivarius” in Oxford.
Click here to listen to a longer excerpt
(c)
Stephanie Chase 2007. All Rights Reserved
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